“Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.” – T.S. Eliot
GOD’S RIGHT AND WISDOM’S INSIGHT
Poetic thoughts by Jason Youngman
At the age of 14 my thirst for scripture was unquenchable.
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Little of it made sense to me then and even less of it now.
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Nevertheless it captures my imagination all the same.
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The fact that there has been a constant flow of people throughout time trying to make sense of God’s will carries some drive to it.
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To this day many are drawn to the idea that there is an intelligent being who governs the universe.
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Whether through a hierarchy of interdependence or a direct force by means of a first mover, there is nothing that little old me can do to prove otherwise.
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Regardless of the countless of souls who feel that their sense of certainty trumps my unknowing, there is a part of me that feels inclined to remain truthful no matter how advantageous and attractive the other side might look.
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That is not to say that there is no divinity or spectrum of deities; it just means that my judgement can’t be limited to a feeling.
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And even though my heart yearns to believe in an all redeeming grace, my intellect stands alone in the desert.
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And actively waits for a dust storm to sweep it off his feet.
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Yet what if the current of the vortex should bring my volition into turmoil?
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How could freedom-of-will be mine to have and behold?
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What if dehydration should deprive my senses?
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Then truth shall slip through the slits of my fingers.
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What makes me think that wisdom can be had through mere desire?
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As though she exists to be penetrated with carnal lust…
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Each layer of skin torn in hopes of placing the throne upon my head…
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The winds blow where they may, regardless of what we have to say.
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So the choice is never ours to begin with.
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Neither the mirage nor the darkness behind the sockets enables us to see.
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But by means of light are we provided with sight that allows us to be.
Philosopher Muse 
Beautiful expression that mirrors a relatable sentiment. As a child, probably until 17 years of age, I had innocent faith, drawn to the idea of self sacrifice and extending grace as a way of life. Looking back at my journals which were prayers to God, I wonder how I’ve traveled so far away from that level of intimacy with the God of my childhood. But that idea of innocence that I held, took on a new meaning every time I was shocked that so much was out of my hands — living my ideals didn’t just depend on me, virtue required cooperation from others. One of my “books” is about God’s grace, but honestly–I also feel that as you say, “my intellect stands alone in the desert.” I would love to read more of your thoughts about this on your blog. https://youtu.be/LroNZqqUqO8
Thank you for your kind and considerate response. You have given me something to reflect upon. ❤
Very provocative…jc
I really appreciate your candor. My 50 year struggle with the feeling-intellect dialectic ultimately led me to Hegel. No not the Marxist interpretation of Hegel but his Lectures on the Philosophy of Religion, among his other works about Spirit or Geist. Peter C. Hodgson’s translations are excellent. My understanding of Hegel’s difficult style of writing is that religious feeling is distinct but not separate from intellect. Faith as feeling appears as the opposite of intellect, its other, but is sublated (aufhebung). Intellect is spirit and ‘precedes’ feeling, not the other way around. It wasn’t until I allowed feeling, which was suppressed for survival, its rightful place that my ‘mind’ was renewed through my ‘heart’…if that makes any sense. Wisdom is personified in scripture not only as knowledge of God but as a woman who loves greatly.
Thank you for the thoughtful response, but I’m not sure what you mean by allowing feeling its rightful place and how the mind can be renewed through the heart. Could you explain?
I simply mean that faith and reason aren’t inimicable and that one can arrive at faith through reason or through feelings. When I surrendered to my feelings of fear, hope and love, reason seemed complete. Hegel contended in a philosophical milieu wherein faith and reason excluded one another. Other than that, I really don’t know what to say. If I’ve misunderstood your post, please forgive my intrusion.
No intrusion whatsoever, Mary, I kind of like the idea of surrendering to the current of emotion. How else can we discover new territory; otherwise, we remain attached to the familiarity of the riverbank.